Heart Over Head

Does it strike you as completely absurd that the most expensive purchase in your life is likely the one where you have the least chance to examine the product? When we bought the place we live in now, I was absolutely in love with it. I pictured us here. We saw three places and made an offer our first day out - it was heart over head all the way. D spent WAY more time agonising over my engagement ring, or his car. I've spent more time picking strollers or jeans. (Egads: just realised how gender-stereotyped my examples are; oh well.)

Luckily we've had two and half wonderful years here. D carried me over the threshold after our honeymoon; we found out we were pregnant in our open kitchen; our little boy was born in its big bath. There's been the mundane stuff too: I've spent lots of days leaning up to the fireplace, glancing out the windows at the view, entertaining friends and family. And of course there have been some sad times too, though thankfully not too many: I had a miscarriage; we found out my aunt has cancer. This place has been so important to us, and yet before we moved in we saw it for only 20 minutes.

Now we are getting ready to do house purchase number two. At least with this condo we had the comfort of knowing it was a new building still under warranty. Now we move into a fixer-upper. It doesn't help that the market here is insane. I think I referred to the fact that I live in neighbourhood where there are million dollar homes. When we were kids, if you heard a house was worth a million dollars, you pictured Tom Cruise's place. But no, I don't live next to 2-acre, gated estates. The homes around here are modest three-bedrooms on lots that are maybe 120 feet deep. The place I grew up in (in another city) was far nicer and more spacious than most of the places around here. Many of them aren't even particularly nice, but the land value alone means a tear-down is over $800,000. Needless to say, we will not be staying in this neighbourhood. But I do want to remain in city limits and that means, for a detached home, a lot of money. And no, D doesn't make gazillions. But in this city you get used to putting a huge amount of your income into real estate.

Anyway we have examined our finances and we've set a price range that we can afford, factoring in the exorbitant cost of daycare, another maternity leave in a couple of years, possibly a new car, RRSP contributions. I am so glad D is sensible like that because I am not. He has an Excel sheet a mile long. And yet, I know a lot our decision will be based on emotion, because that's how I am, and despite his sensibleness, he does let himself get carried away with me. (Don't tell him I said that!)

I saw a place yesterday and I fell in love with its antique fireplace and old-fashioned windows. It's a place we can afford, and it has loads of potential. The neighbourhood, while much shabbier than this one, has lots of young families and is close to a funky shopping area. I called D in a dither this morning after mulling it over for a couple of hours. We've only seen five places (plus a few open houses I've gone to solo), but I was already calling our realtor to say "we're considering this one... seriously." He said we hadn't seen enough. He pointed out the flaws. He think it's overpriced. He said, "I could say 'sure, let's write up an offer' and make my easy commission, but I think we can do better." So we agreed - we'll go see it again this weekend if it's still on the market, but we'll keep looking. I am so lucky to have people in my life to look out for me like that. In the end, real estate is a giant leap of faith. I'm so glad the right person is guiding us through it.

20-something versus 30-something moms

There was an article in the Washington Post recently about the friction between 20-something college-educated parents and the 30-something parents who are the norm in their circles. The examples are hardly compelling: one of the 20-something mothers said she feels like they are "looking" at her, and that they must assume she's the babysitter. A younger father talks about it being "hard to connect" with other Dads; he says "One of them was wearing, like, a Rolling Stones type of sweat shirt. I like the Rolling Stones, but I didn't grow up with them. I can't say, 'Hey, let's go grab a cup of coffee,' ""

Well why the hell not if you want to have a coffee? Lame, lame, lame, lame.

I am, just barely, a 20-something mother. I look pretty young for my age; occasionally I am still carded - and remember the drinking age here is 19. (The haggard fatigue in my face has meant that hasn't happened in the last four months, but I like to think I still have a pretty youthful face.) I live in an apartment in a neighbourhood where there are mostly million-dollar homes, so understandably the families living in them typically are older than I am.

I don't have a single 20-something mommy friend. And yet, I have lots of mommy friends. I hang out with a PhD student, a university prof, a hair stylist, a lawyer, a web designer, a chartered accountant, a woman who works for non-profits. These first time mothers range in age from 30-40, which most of them being around 35. None of them have ever excluded me because I am younger, in some cases more than 10 years younger. A couple of times I have been asked my age - I think because I am clearly younger, people are curious as to how much younger. And once I was asked, by a mother (the lawyer), if LM was planned. But that's probably more to do with the fact that it is obvious to another lawyer that I had him at a pretty odd time from a career perspective. I really have no problem admitting that he wasn't.

I guess I just don't buy that 30-something mothers are exclusive or unwilling to be friends. That's the amazing thing about motherhood - you automatically have something to talk about. Whether you have anything to talk about other than parenthood, well that depends. But if you're looking for mom friends, they're not hard to find.

The one part of the article I did relate to a bit is the fact that 20-something friends don't necessarily "get" it. I haven't really seen any of them since LM was born. The offers for babysitting haven't exactly rolled in, or even suggestions of getting together. But if I'm honest, I'd say that it's definitely as much my fault. The first few months he required so much that I couldn't really leave him for more than a few hours. Now that I actually have a little flexibility to go out, I'm a bit out of touch.

There are many issues facing younger parents in urban centres, including financial issues, career planning, cost of housing, lack of suitable or affordable childcare, lack of appropriate parental leave allowances. I guess I find it bizarre that the Post decides to focus on a few whiny upper-middle class parents who "feel like" they have no one to talk to while at Gymboree. Pardon me if I don't start sobbing into my soup.

(Added: I just watched the video that accompanies the story, which is far less irritating from this perspective. It's still kind of inane, but less irritating.)

(Also: LM's virus? One of his younger friends has it too and is in the hospital on oxygen and with an IV in his head. Makes me even more annoyed that the clinic doctor was so dismissive.)

I'm Bored, Therefore I Blog

BLAHHHH! Another day of mat leave - another evening spent alone reading blogs and playing online Scrabble while baby sleeps. Not sure if this has come across yet in my other posts (hah), but I really hate the fact that my husband works SOOOOO many hours!

You know what would be amazing? If I were on mat leave but I worked one day a week at a trendy clothing store; or maybe two half-days. Just enough to have intrigue and drama to talk about (because the owners and customers of this mythical trendy store would be very intriguing) but still loads of time for baby sign language classes and pushing the stroller in the sunshine while sipping a (dairy-free) frapo-mocha-tini. (I won't be insulted if that last sentence makes you throw up in your mouth a little - but I do love my baby sign.) Unfortunately childcare would cost me more than I could make in any trendy store, so that will remain a pipe dream. Imagine that - longing to work retail. Think of the discounts.

Anyway I may be off to bed since I am likely in for another long night - the wee man has bronchitis and his coughing wakes him often. And because he is thirsty or perhaps has a sore throat from the cough, he decides to wake me. I took him in last week but the random doctor at the walk-in clinic said "Oh, it's a cold." Um, yeah, I figured, but the kid coughed so hard he barfed and the nurse's line told me to bring him in. Sadly the walk-in doctor didn't spend enough time with us for me to express those concerns. After a quick once over with a cold stethoscope that made him cry, she just said "Steam him in the shower and feed him more often." The nurse's line made the exact same suggestions so I was super-happy to have bundled him up, driven to the clinic and waited in a room full of people much sicker than us. It's not that I wanted drugs - far from it - but another 30 seconds of reassurance and maybe some suggestions of what to watch for would have been nice. The clinic was not so busy that she couldn't have given that to a worried first-time mum.

And doesn't the "feed them more" advice seem silly? It assumes you don't demand feed - because if you're demand feeding you can't really feed them more since they eat whenever they're hungry. And since most doctors advocate demand feeding (at least that's the advice given to most of my IRL friends and chatroom buddies) shouldn't it be the baseline of normal? The advice should be "continue to demand feed." Which is what our family doctor said today at our four-month visit. (Yay!) She also diagnosed the bronchitis and spent a few minutes giving me advice on what to do and answering my questions. Now just hoping he recovers fast.

In other news - is this not the face of an angel? Don't you want to bury your face in that double chin?

Lucky

Sometimes you just have a bit of good luck. A few weeks ago D was looking over my financials and remarked how lots of my stuff was in long-term, higher risk and that if I wanted to use the money towards our downpayment I should change that. I sighed and hemmed and hawed. I'm always afraid I'll miss the next big thing. But I finally got around to switching all my non-registered savings to something much lower risk. Of course the market had a great day that day and I couldn't help saying - "see? If I'd left it one more day..." But today I am much relieved. Yay for nagging (well-meaning, financially responsible, super-supportive) husbands.

Flux

Well after my awesome (and long!) sleep post the other day I had a horrendous night last night - every two hours. Lots of dairy + cold + teeth possibly = very bad night. Anyway, I remain optimistic about tonight and am now back off the dairy.

When I was in law school I was so active in all this law-related volunteer stuff. Gave legal advice to low income folks, attended lectures on cases, participated in a women's law group. Now I get e-mails on this stuff and I just DO NOT care at all even one tiny little bit. It all seems so abstract and divorced from reality. It irritates me when it arrives in my inbox. Hoping that feeling fades.

To follow up on my earlier post I will say that I do remain optimistic that the perfect career is out there for me. I hope it's not super-far-removed from where I am right now, but I am going to try to stop stressing about it and trust that if I don't love what I'm doing once I start doing it again, I have the power to change it. I may surprise myself.

D worked a god-awful number of hours last week and barely saw LM (or moi.) Was quite bad. And I am tired of microwave dinners alone. He was planning to go down to four days a week after I go back to work, but now we're wondering if he should do it now. It would mean 20% less pay, which is scary. But you can't buy back this time either. I don't know, I don't know. It will be his decision.

His place of employ is staffed mainly by men. The partners don't see their families all week and are often away on weekends. When they do have a night off they play rugby with the guys from work... it's hard in that environment to request more family time - it's like an implicit insult to the choices they've made. But I just wonder what their wives get out of a relationship like that? The big house in the right part of town, the 2.4 kids in private school, the vacations to Dominican, but no time with your husband? I want more from my marriage - I want my husband. And I don't want to give up that kind of time either.

Musings...

We were talking in our yoga class about being more authentic. Truer to ourselves. Sometimes I find I really mute myself. I have strong beliefs and a fair amount of confidence but I don't articulate it for fear of offending someone. I am so fucking agreeable. Is that being inauthentic? Then I thought, well maybe being that way IS being authentic because part of my personality is a desire to make people feel comfortable. And sometimes I think I do a pretty good job of it. Lots of people used to confide in me - really personal things. But I don't get out much anymore, so that doesn't happen a whole lot. So I'm trying to find that balance between being authentic about my beliefs while still trying to put people at ease.

Anyhow - career. I remember before I had the baby I said, if I won the lottery, I'd keep on doing what I plan to do - article, work at the same place as I work at now. I'd just buy nicer clothes. But if I won the lottery today I don't think I would do that. I've had such a mental shift - I love being home, I love seeing the baby every day, I love being able to get outdoors and meeting lots of different kinds of people all going through the same universal experience. I love that 40-ish hipster baristas, or strung-out skinny east-siders, or trendy shop girls all say "Hey, I remember when they were that age." I want lots and lots of babies.

I wouldn't say I'm married to a work-a-holic, but I am married to someone who puts a lot of pressure on himself to work and succeed and who's willing to sacrifice a lot for his work. I'm not the same - I want my work to facilitate my life, and express it. Not the other way around. My success at work and school does not impact on my self-esteem the same way it does for him, although I did extremely well in law school and excelled in the work environment I was in before that. Normally I would try and mute that with some self-deprecating side-stepping, but I'm striving for authenticity here and I know that to be true.

Sometimes I think I chose law school because I'm risk averse. Because it seemed like a sensible thing to do. Because my mother said "Why don't you go to law school? You'd be so good at that." And I loved it. I know I could do well if I kept on trekking down the road I'm on. But more and more I'm thinking I want the road less travelled - not the short-cut, not the easy route. But some different path that will be more challenging and more rewarding for me. I want to take some risks. I just haven't found the right-turn off yet.

I will definitely remain on the path I'm on in the short-term. But bigger picture - I'd like to do something more authentic to me, something that taps into things I care about and love. I'm just throwing out ideas - they are random and unconnected. I'd love to start a business and do something entrepreneurial. I'd love to work with mothers and babies. I'd love to be with people as they go through some meaningful event. I worked with special needs kids for a semester and it was the only job I've ever consistently been thrilled to go to, even though it meant waking at six at a time when I was often out until four. I'd like to work in an area that furthers our quality of life somehow. I want to consume less and live more healthily. I'm willing to work a lot of hours, but I want to be able to set them. I want to live in the country. I want to be financially comfortable. I want to do something that makes a direct difference in the community I'm in.

Sleep Strategies

Sleep is such a polarising issue with parents. Everyone has an opinion. Just today my dentist, completely unsolicited, told me that Ferberizing his kids was the way to go - best decision ever. His hygienist even wrote the name of the book down for me. And "How he's sleeping?" is always the first question people ask. I ask it too... it's just one of those dumb things you say when you can't think of anything else to ask about.

Anyway, I decided early that I wouldn't try to worry about getting Little Man sleeping through the night because it's normal for them to wake a lot and parenting doesn't end at bedtime and all that other rhetoric. Nonetheless, at three months I found myself a little sleep-obsessed when LM was getting up almost every hour, or every two. And he was refusing to nap except in our arms. And he screamed every time we put him near his crib and could only get him to fall asleep in our bed with us in it. That's okay at night, but not exactly safe during the day.

His schedule was approximately this: wake at seven-thirty, be up for the day with a few catnaps here and there - in the carrier, the car seat, on me; occasionally he'd nap in his crib if we put him there after he fell asleep but he'd wake after 20 minutes. Then to bed at 7:30 where I nursed him to sleep. He'd then wake frequently between then and my bedtime. For a while it worked to just comfort him, but after a while he wouldn't calm down unless I nursed him again. That habit was starting to get trying because it meant D couldn't put him back to sleep.

So I decided to try and figure out some options. It seems like there are two major schools of sleep and anyone on a mom's message board will give you one of two pieces of advice: "Let 'em cry" or "Do whatever it takes - you're the one who signed up for this job." After scraping my car against a stationary post, collapsing in tears a couple of times, and just feeling utterly exhausted I decided sleep deprivation is not conducive to good parenting so "whatever it takes" just wasn't working. One day I was so frustrated I just left the room and let him cry for 15 minutes while I stood in the shower, drowning out his cries. It seems pretty silly in retrospect, but when you're so incredibly tired, these molehills become mountains. I resented him for not "letting" me have a break. Which is ridiculous. When I realised that, I decided a little sleep strategising was a whole lot better than the status quo.

I figured I'd start with naps, and hope the rest followed. I tried a technique I found on a website called "Pick-Up/Put-D*wn". I must admit I think it originates in the Baby Wh1sperer, a book I'm not overly fond of because it says by Day 2 or 3 you should put baby on a schedule and quit demand feeding. I can only imagine that approach leads to major supply issues if you are breastfeeding. Despite those origins, I was desperate for at least a nice three-hour stretch at night and maybe a little downtime during the day so I decided to try it.

The "technique" was this: put him in the crib, when he cries (which in LM's case happened almost before you put him down), pick him up. When he stops, put him down again. (Note: I think the "technique" only works if by picking them up you can get them to stop within a relatively short period of time.) If you read the rationale in the Baby Wh1sperer for doing this, it's really annoying: something about how you should meet your baby's need but do no more. Luckily I didn't read that before trying, but to me it did seem to be a reasonable way to get him to understand that the crib is safe, mummy comes when you need her, but it's okay to sleep there.

So I tried the "method": picking up and putting down for 40 minutes. The minute I lowered him in the crib, he'd cry. I'd rub him and say "Sleepytime!" Then when he didn't stop, I'd pick him up again. The picking up did calm him and eventually he was so tired he'd doze off in my arms. When he did that I'd put him down again. Finally he relented, and fell asleep in the crib. For 20 minutes. Still, better than nothing.

Day 1, Nap 2: We did it again, and it was another 30 minutes of up and down; he fell asleep. At night I did my usual routine and put him in our bed since I decided only to do the crib thing when I could afford to be consistent, and I wasn't committing to consistency at 3 a.m.

Day 2, Nap 1: He settles in crib without a fuss. He slept for 45 minutes. Knock me over with a feather. Nap 2: Minor fussing, some pick-ups, some put-downs, he finally settles in about 5 minutes.

Blah blah blah - 2 weeks later, he settles in his crib pretty easily for all naps - 3 to 4 a day which range from 40 minutes to two hours (sometimes with a nursing break in between). There has been some back-tracking, like when he won't settle for 5 or 6 minutes. But that's just SOOO much better than the 45 minutes D and I used to have to spend rocking him only to have him wake up the minute we put him down. If I "catch" him early enough he'll just drift off with just a few pats on the tummy.

As for nights, as I suspected, more sleep in the day has led to better nighttimes. All babies have light sleep cycles, and I think whenever LM stirred, instead of just dozing off again he became freaked out that I wasn't there. So he'd demand to nurse. He always slept better in the bed with me, as opposed to the bed or crib alone, which backs up this theory. But since he got used to falling asleep in the crib, he doesn't need to nurse each and every time he enters a new sleep cycle and generally only "calls" me when he is hungry - which means occasionally I even get a 5-hour stretch. I also did a little detective work on those wakings and realised some of them were gas-related. A daily dose of probiotics has helped that problem quite a bit.

So that's my story... despite or perhaps because of nearly falling into the "crying-it-out" trap, I'm still vehemently opposed to the traditional "letting him cry." There was some crying involved in the method (though depending on the temperament of your baby there might not be - LM has always been quick to cry.) But I'd like to think it was a lot less traumatic since he was being comforted through it all. The idea of walking away from a crying baby is still pretty repugnant to me. After all, I trained him to fall asleep in my arms and to need to be close to me. And I don't regret that one bit - I love nursing him to sleep and I love occasionally having him in the bed and I still do both. But there are ways, that will probably be different for different babies, of diversifying your get-to-sleep options.

My copy of "No-Cry Sleep Solution" came into the library this week; some of my ideas were gleaned from that website so I'm hoping reading the book will help me deal with future issues as they arise. I'm sure this isn't the last sleep post I'll write, but I hope it's the last one for a little while.

Travelling as Three

We had our weekend away at D's retreat - the one that I was stressing about due to child care arrangements. I must say, my stress had dropped significantly in the past week, mainly because LM's sleep has gotten a lot better, and he doesn't seem to need to cluster feed in the evening anymore, so I knew I wouldn't be as stressed about him being hungry while I was gone.

So on the first night the nanny came a bit early; LM was in a bit of state, being very tired, but she kept talking to him so he'd get to know her voice. And she kept telling me how beautiful he was - bonus points already. Plus she gave him kisses. I know some people might be squeamish about that kind of attention from a stranger, but my biggest worry was that she'd be unsympathetic to his cries. So a nanny who was free with kisses was just the affectionate sort I was hoping for.

I nursed him just before leaving but he wouldn't take much. He settled nicely in the crib. Because we were away, he didn't really know he was in a crib and therefore was quite content to explore his (extremely sterile) new environment. If he'd known what it was, and that he was expected to sleep in it, I think he'd have kicked up quite a fuss. He's not the type of kid who will drift off if you put him in a crib awake, though he did that night.

I went in at 9:30 to check on him and he was still asleep, though apparently he had woken once and she'd played with him and put him back down. That was fine by me. I'd told her the goal wasn't to be strict about getting him to sleep, but to just to keep him as happy as possible, or at least to minimise unhappiness. She said she'd gotten him back to sleep by rocking the crib and shaking a toy over the crib as if it were a mobile. My presence woke him so I fed him and then went back to the party (actually - went for a soak in the hot tub.) When I got back to the room at 11 he was still asleep and didn't wake again until 2.

The next night we were a 15-minute walk away, but since the first night had gone so smoothly I was less stressed. He also had a long feed, so that made me feel better about being gone for four hours. But I still had my cell on the table the whole time and checked in obsessively. When I got back at 11, he was in her arms sleeping. She said "He just didn't like his bed." Aha - he'd figured out it was a crib! I tried to feed him but his lips remain pursed, so he was not hungry, though he did eventually wake and feed.

So all in all a success! I'm not in a huge rush to leave him again with a stranger, but D and I are going to start going out on dates a little more often. We actually had a date last week while he was with D's parents that was lovely.

In other news, you may be curious what we brought for a weekend away:

Here's the list:
-3 sleepers (one for each night, plus an extra in case of leakage)
-3 outfits (one for each day, plus one in case of leakage/drool etc.) (He also wore one there... so
I guess that's four outfits)
-2 pairs of socks
-1 bib - unused; but if we hadn't brought it he'd have been in drool mode, I'm sure!
-24 disposable diapers (didn't use all of them)
-3 receiving blankets (useful for mopping up drool, and lying underneath him)
-2 toys
-2 books
-a package of travel wipes
-bath ramp
-car seat (although the bus we went up in had no means of securing the seat; but he did nap in it and ride in it in the taxi, so that was good.)
-2 carriers - and we did use both
-sleeping bag; the hotel room was cold!
-fleecy blanket - used in it in the car seat and also for naps

What we didn't bring:
-Our stroller; we still don't use it that much as we really rely on the carriers. If we could have we'd have brought it, but given we were travelling by coach, it was too much hassle and I didn't really miss it.
-Pack and Play - we don't own one as our place is so small. He slept in the hotel crib. The crib was extremely low so it was hard to pick him up. It was also very hard. I know they're supposed to be firm, but this took it to a new level. They didn't supply a crib sheet, just a folded very thin blanket thing. We used our own blankets on top. Also, the bars were far apart so his hands stuck out through them, banging on them when he startled. Despite these drawbacks, he slept well in it during the day/evening (and slept with us at night) so no regrets on not having a Pack and Play.

IUD: Part 2

Thanks for your comments on the IUD!

LL - interesting; We haven't had sex yet, so I'm not sure yet if D will feel it... but I'm sure he'll tell me.

Kaitlyn, I do get the implantation concern as well. Even though I am very pro-choice and pro-legalisation of the morning after pill, that did give me pause for thought. But the IUDs do also affect conception by affecting ovulation or sperm depending on the type... I'm not sure why that makes a difference for me, but it does. I do find it interesting how many descriptions of IUDs skirt around this issue - for example this one which says sperm "cannot get to the egg to fertilise it", but also that it prevents implantation. Well if sperm cannot get to the egg, how would there be a fertilised egg? The word "cannot" is a little too absolute given the context.

As for risk of infection by the IUD, recent studies have found them to be very safe even in populations at high risk for infection, so I am not concerned about that issue.

One side-effect I'm not looking forward to is potentially painful periods. A friend of mine who I was talking to today (don't you love that I can't resist discussing my birth control methods with everyone I hang out with?) said hers were awful while she had an IUD. I'm hoping that isn't the case for me, but hopefully I won't find out for a few more months.

I do think one reason that they're not very popular is that they're not particularly profitable. In fact, the one I got is not approved by Health Canada, but was legally imported by the doctor from the EU. I have to look into that regulatory model. I did say to D last night that it felt a little strange to have something in LM's old abode... feels kind of sad! And I love D, because even though that's an insane thing to say, he got it.

I have a couple of other posts brewing - one about LM's sleep, which is getting much better thanks to some new strategies, and one about career direction. But since it's twenty to eleven and I can't take it for granted that good sleep will continue, I'll save those for another time.

IUD

I had an IUD put in yesterday. I thought I'd write about it since I hadn't any idea what to expect and knew no one else who's ever had one, or at least, no one close enough to have shared.

So in Canada (and, I presume, elsewhere) there are two types - copper and hormonal. The hormonal one sends small doses of hormones (one-fifth of what's in the pill) to your uterus/ovaries and impedes ovulation and implantation. The copper one kills sperm and impedes implantation. The copper one has a 99% success rate*, the hormonal slightly higher. The side-effects of copper are heavy periods for the first few months. The side effects of hormonal are lighter or possibly no periods (which could be a bonus for some!)

I opted for copper because I'm not comfortable taking hormones, even low doses, while breastfeeding. Not sure why exactly - I'm just not. Also, the Pill really affected my sex drive, so I prefer just to be off hormones completely. Besides, I figured that even though the hormonal is slightly more reliable (99.9% apparently*), the copper IUD is still more reliable than the Pill, or at least, the Pill with normal usage. And since I'm not getting a period right now, heavy periods isn't much of an issue for me. That said, hormonal IUDs are said to be safe during breastfeeding.

My doctor referred me to a clinic to have it inserted. The doctor there does lots of IUDs. I went in, took off my pants, hiked my legs up into the stirrups and away we went! She started, well, probing, and explained she was doing some freezing. I didn't feel anything more than I do with a PAP. Then she inserted the IUD. There was a brief twinge of pain then; I'd say it was similar to the pain of an early labour contraction, or maybe similar to the pain of an injection. But it lasted just a second - like by the time I could have said "ouch" it was over. She checked the IUD's position with an ultrasound and said it looked great. We exchanged pleasantries; I was as pleasant as I could be knowing she'd just had a full-on view of my vagina. I pulled up my pants, paid my $35 for the device (the copper ones are also a lot cheaper; range from $35 to $80 versus $350 to $400) and was on my way.

After that I was a bit menstrual crampy for the evening (had it inserted at 6 p.m.). I took a couple of acetaminophen (no ibuprofen on hand) and was fine. I also had some bleeding - and they didn't offer me a pad which was kind of annoying! I hadn't thought to bring one... actually I had one in my diaper bag but I forgot I did. I'm still spotting very lightly, but just a pantiliner's worth.

So that's it! I go back in six weeks to make sure it hasn't fallen out because they are occasionally rejected in the first few weeks; although she said that the only time it would fall out without me knowing was during a period (which so far, I don't get). And it's effective immediately.

So far so good - a highly effective, dirt cheap, non-hormonal birth control that I never have to think about - except in five years if it needs to be replaced, or before then if I remove it to further our baby-making adventures! You can start trying right after it's removed, and you do not need to have given birth already to have one inserted. Why on Earth are these things not more common?

Speaking of birth control, the baby calls again!

*(Note - those stats come from the handout I got at the clinic and are similar to what I came across browsing around the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists web page; I have not looked at original sources.)

Routine

Two days ago I was about ready to go out my mind. LM had been up five times the night before, barely napped, and was on the verge of meltdown numero nine million. I was in tears from exhaustion and he was crazy crabby and we were expected at dinner at 6 that night. Dinner was difficult. He had to be jogged and jostled the whole time; he napped in his stroller on his way home and then refused to sleep until 10. I was up with him four times.

Today, we are back onto our bedtime routine - he had his bath, got changed, drank his milk and was asleep at 7:30. Hooray. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who becomes a slave to their child's sleep schedule, but if this child does not get to bed by 7:30, he is up all night, and so am I! He will still be up probably three times before morning (once before I go to bed), but that's a helluva lot more manageable than five times between eleven and seven. He sometimes gets a six-hour stretch, so what more can I ask for.

So here I am at 8:30, with a little free time, feeling so much more relaxed. I knew there was another reason I was sort of happy the holidays are over. Now if only I can make it clear to the visiting in-laws that asking for dinner out at five-thirty is not just me being fussy, but me maintaining my sanity because the alternative is extreme sleep deprivation.

Baby Gear

Yesterday I went to put my coat on and so I laid Little Man down on the bed, as our bedroom in next to our front door. I came back a minute later to find him on his tummy and starting to slide off the edge! What a surprise, especially as I am absolutely horrible about doing any tummy time. I do it every few days for maybe 30 seconds. Someone told me recently that they are supposed to spend half an hour a day on their tummy, which nearly made me fall over. He won't even spent half an hour on his back on his playmat, so half an hour on his tummy just ain't gonna happen. But today I did make the effort and he twice rolled from tummy to back... looking rather surprised both times.

In other news, I've been meaning to do a baby gear post for quite a while. I will admit that I blatantly stole this idea from LagLiv and Shelley both of whom have some great baby gear posts. So at three months in here are what worked for me. We live in a very tiny apartment, so I am a bit of minimalist when it comes to baby stuff.

Essentials
Gear
Moses Basket and Rocker - We used this a lot in the first few months and he slept in it until a few weeks ago. It was also handy to have some place safe to put him while we were eating and hanging out. He has now outgrown it, but I'd say it was well worth the price... Cost: I got it used for $60 on Craig's list.

Graco Snugride Infant Seat - I considered not getting an infant seat, but the ability to carry them around when you're making a quick dash is pretty invaluable. It also means they can hang out in restaurants since they are way too small for high chairs and can't really sit on your lap for the first few months. Cost: Free. We borrowed this, but I'd buy one next time if I couldn't get one.

Cuddly Wrap and Ergo + Infant Insert - My baby carriers are my lifesavers. I wish we'd spent as much time researching them as we did strollers because in my my mind they are far more key in the first few months. The Cuddly Wrap is basically a long piece of fabric that you wrap around you and put them in. I found it more comfortable than a sling. We still use it a lot - in fact D is wearing it now (with the baby, not just as a fashion statement).

The Ergo is my other carrier, which can be used up to 45 lbs, I think. When he gets older we can wear it on our back and go for hikes. Right now we use it outside as it's tricky to put on the Cuddly Wrap outside given that it trails on the ground. With the infant insert it's also warm and snuggly.

Why were they so key?

1. Mobility - Being able to get out daily is key to my sanity. I prefer carriers to the stroller because I can easily tell how warm he is, I have my limbs free, and it's much easier to get on and off busses!
2. Fussy baby - being carried is the only thing that consistently soothes him
3. Hands-free - If I'm feeling very ambitious can wear him around the house and cook or clean
4. Protection - means I can protect him from grabby people in certain situations. For example, when he was just a few weeks old I took him to a work party. I didn't really want him handled by too many people since it's cold season and he was still so wee and fragile. In a carrier, people look but they don't touch.

Cost: $50 for Cuddly Wrap; $100 for Ergo plus $25 for Infant Insert (permits you to use it before they have full head control - we still use it now.) Both come with instructional DVDs, and the cost of the Ergo is well-worth it if only to watch someone kickbox with a baby on his back while a voice-over extolls the virtues of baby-carrying.

Fisher-Price Vibrating Chair - When he's not asleep or being held, he is most likely in his chair. When he was younger (ha ha, like 2 weeks ago) he liked the vibrating but now it doesn't do much for him. But he has become more interested in the toy bar. He never really enjoyed the plasticky toys that came with it, but I've attached numerous other things to it. If I were to do it again, I might get the one that rocks, and also one that has a more versatile toybar that permits me to hook things on. The one I've got just has velcro tabs. Cost: This was a gift, but I think they run around $30?

Sleeping Bag - Because of all the hazards of sleeping with blankets, we put LM to sleep in a big down baby-sized sleeping bag with holes in the arms. It looks very cosy. I wish they made them in my size. Cost: A gift, but I think it's a fairly expensive item. I do use a blanket at nap time. Cheaper alternstives exist, but they're not down.

Lots of Receiving Blankets - All I can say, is I needed a lot. I still use them all the time - to catch the drool, the barfs, to lay him on when I put him down on the bed or sofa. Plus you need warmer blankets for the carseat and crib and breastfeeding in public. (I must admit, now I pretty much just whip it out, but it took a while to get to that point). Cost: Maybe $40 for 20?

Bath Ramp - In a small place with a small bathroom, the last thing you want is a giant baby bathtub. We once again borrowed this ramp, which I actually believe came as part of a bath-tub set. But I'm pretty sure you can buy a bath ramp on it's own. Takes up very little space, as we just hang it off the side of our tub. Have been using from the start in a shallow tub. To wash it, I run it through the dishwasher when it starts to get that water-stained look. Cost: Borrowed.

Baby Products - I really don't believe in using cosmetics on babies, and I'd avoid things like diaper cream unless they actually get a rash. But if you're going to go there, I love the Weleda products. They're very pure and good for sensitive skin. We use their diaper rash cream, which works wonderfully, their body lotion, and their cream bath. We bathe him nightly but use the cream bath only once a week and we probably wouldn't use it all except in my sleep-deprived state I accidentally bought it when I meant to get the lotion. He has eczema, so he needs a gentle lotion. Other than that we use no soap because as a baby he really doesn't get dirty in a way that requires soap. I don't like all those strong-scented baby products and if you check out the ingredients on many of them, they're damn scary. Cost: $10-$15.

Bob Revolution Stroller + Rain Cover - We haven't used our stroller much yet; I tend to put him in the carrier more. But I still like our stroller a whole lot. It's one of the few that you can genuinely jog with, and I plan to do that when he's a bit older. This one has a lot of features of the more expensive Phil and Ted's or Mountain Buggy, but it's quite a bit cheaper. Cost: $400. Rain cover: $50.

Breastfeeding Supplies
Lansinoh (or another Lanolin cream) is a MUST; I really had no trouble breastfeeding and his "latch" was perfect, but even so, my nipples were very sore. It takes about a week or two to "break" them in, and there really isn't much you can do beforehand. Bonus, you can also use it lanolize your wool covers if you get really into cloth diapering. Cost: I have no idea, maybe $5?

Most people advise getting the pump after baby is born, since you don't know how much you'll be pumping and consequently what you'll need it for. That said, I love my Medela Swing, which is versatile enough for casual or daily use, and is also BPA-free. Too bad LM is no longer on the bottle. Still, the Swing will be handy when he goes on solids and I want to mix some breastmilk with food. And since I'm considering extended breastfeeding, I think this will come in handy if I decide to pump when I go back to work. Cost: $125 new on eBay;

Also, breast pads. Most women leak a lot in those early days - I still do occasionally. I find the disposable pads really chafe, so I use cloth - also by Mother-ease. They're comfy and I've only leaked through one once. I wish I'd been more diligent in early days; my colostrum stained several tops and I had to get rid of them. Cost: $18 for a 3-pack.

Toys
Tiny Love Play Gym - LM still won't entertain himself for a super long-time with this, but it is the one thing he can kind of play with. When they aren't able to grasp things, their playing skills are limited, so a bunch of dangling toys is about as good as it gets. Cost: Borrowed.

Other than that he also likes his Taggie elephant (though their website and all its harping about intellectual property of toys with tags kind of scares me.) He is somewhat interested in stuffed animals though we have way more than we need. I am also eagerly awaiting the arrival of Sophie the Giraffe which I hear is like crack for babies, except in toy form. (Yeah, that simile got away from me.)

He is quite entertained by books, and nowadays you can even distract him from crying by reading to him. Cost: Roughly $10 each; many were gifts.

Diapering
Dresser for a Change Table - Given our tiny space, we didn't want a dedicated change table - in our place all our furniture needs to multitask. A change pad attached onto a dresser works well for us. Cost: $125 for used dresser from Salvation Army Store. Maybe $25 for change pad? I can't remember.

SkipHop Duo Diaper Bag - This was my second diaper bag. All I can say, is think about your lifestyle when you buy it. This one is small enough that I can easily carry it for long walks, but it still contains everything I need. Cost: $75 (though I got it for less than that as it was 30% off)

Diapers - I decided to go cloth and have no regrets. Buying diapers became my obsession when I was pregnant and I ended up trying probably 20 different variations. I must admit, having adorable cow print and train-patterned diapers makes it fun for me, and when you change 10 to 12 diapers a day, it's important that it be fun! And the best thing about cloth? They hardly ever leak, and the ones I'm recommending have never leaked for me. And although this is sacrilege to admit in cloth diaper circles, I leave him in it overnight for 12 hours (unless he poops, which is rare at night). These things are pretty bullet-proof.

I used mainly two kinds - "fitteds" and "pockets". "Fitteds" are cotton diapers that are shaped just like disposables, and usually have Velcro or snaps to fasten them. They require a waterproof cover." "Pockets" are also shaped like disposables and fastened by snaps or Velcro, but they are waterproof and don't require a cover. They are called pockets because you put an insert in them which absorbs the pee. They come apart to wash, so the components dry faster. You can "stuff" them as much as you like, so for night-time I put a thicker insert. Because of they're lined with fleece, these feel dry to the touch as well.

My favourite fitteds are by Mother-ease - the Sandy's XS and the One-Size. I also love the Mother-ease covers. My favourite pockets are Happy Heiny's One-Size. Cost: $400, but you don't need to spend that much to do cloth. I'd say you need about 18 of whatever you'd use to do cloth full-time. For fitteds you'd also need 4 to 5 covers. Oh, and our hydro bill has gone up $10 a month since he was born. Some of that is just me being home with the heat on (it's also winter now, and the other bills were summer), some of it is extra laundry in general, so I estimate $5 attributed to diaper washing, which I do every other day.

Kissaluv Wipes - I bought 50 face cloths at the Kissaluvs outlet store. We wrote "bath" on a few of them in permaqnent marker and use them in his bath. A few were used post-birth to clean up, and were tossed. The rest are in constant rotation on diaper duty. I spray them with some water from a spray bottle and presto - instant wipe. When he was really small, I used warm water from the tap, as he preferred that, but now he no longer cares. Cost: $25 on sale.

Diaper Champ - I really like that you can use your own bags with it. Right now we use a wetbag, but an old pillow case would probably work well too. In a small place, odour containment is key. He is breastfed, so his excretions don't have much of a smell, but anything sitting around for a couple of days is bound to get smelly. This pail has been fine at containment. Cost: $40

Not Essential
I'm not saying these aren't going to be lifesavers from some, but they don't work that well for us, which is why I'd be wary about shelling out the $ for them.

Fisher Price Nature Sounds Swing - we borrowed this. He likes it if we entertain him while he's there, and he will sleep in it, but it doesn't calm him or put him to sleep. You either put him in it already asleep or entertain him while he's there. Plus it is extremely ugly and takes up a tonne of space. And it needs loads and loads of batteries. Stick with the much more cost-efficient vibrating chair, or a papasan if need be. Cost: No idea as we borrowed it.

Mobile - we just borrowed this recently to get him acclimatised to his crib. Again, it entertains him briefly, but he won't just zone out and fall asleep while watching it. It is pretty cute when he "talks" to it, but the entertainment value isn't worth the cost. Cost: The one we have, which plays tinny classical music, runs for $60 to $80; not worth it in my opinion, especially as you have to take it down once they can sit up.

Jolly Jumper Breastfeeding Pillow - I did use this quite a bit in early weeks. But I'm not sure why you need a special pillow for breastfeeding. A couple of spare pillows would work just as well. Also, once he was four weeks, I found I didn't need it.

Nursing Bras - I spent $30 each on these, but in the end I mostly wear my old bras - the ones without underwire, and just whip them and my shirt up to feed.

Hooter Hiders - I bought two of these after seeing them on the View. Yes, I just admitted to watching the View (hangs head in shame). I thought they'd be great for public breastfeeding but I feel like I draw more attention to myself by fumbling with a huge sheet than I do just lifting up my shirt. With a well-positioned cardigan or sweatshirt, my breast is hidden. They are still unopened in my diaper bag. Cost: $30 on eBay (more in stores).

Roots Diaper Bag - This was the first diaper bag I bought. Way too big. Way too bulky. You carry the thing EVERYWHERE, so it's important to get one you like. Cost: $40

Diapers - There were hits, and there were misses. Baby Kangas do not work well on newborns, they leak out the legs. I found all-in-ones took too long to dry. And although I've had good luck with wool covers, Stacinators don't work for me. Cost: $15 to $20 each.

Wish I'd Bought
Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper - I think this would have been great in the early days when he was up so incredibly often. When he's up half an hour after he just fell asleep it would be so nice just to be able to pull him over into bed, rather than get up.

Crib with Drop-Down Rail - I really, really wish I'd bought the crib with the drop-down rail. I figured I didn't need a fancy crib with all those bells and whistles. In short, I was cheap. But lowering a baby into a crib without a drop-down rail is a real pain in the ass. especially once he's 15 pounds.