Merry Belated Christmas

This is one of the first Boxing Days where I haven't had that overwhelming sense of let-down. Why? Because there is so much that I'm looking forward to in the next little while. I am a huge Christmas person, so that's a big admission for me. But LM just gets more interesting every day. And D and I are browsing real estate listings and thinking about a fixer-upper. And I'm really enjoying mat leave but also not entirely dreading the prospect of working again eventually. So life is good.

Also, Christmas and holidays are pretty over-stimulating for the kiddo so in a way I'm looking forward to getting back into my rainy January routine. We had events three nights in a row and LM tolerated the first two quite well, but by last night he was done like dinner. We were at my aunt's house trying to enjoy turkey dinner and he just screamed for about 30 minutes. All told four of us took turns trying to calm him down. Finally I just tied him up in a wrap and he fell asleep on my chest.

I could be wrong, but I think his teeth are bugging him. He's drooly, although I guess that's pretty normal for this age. His cheeks are also red and he's just so incredibly fussy. He is a fussy kid to begin with but recently he had started to get much calmer. Then in the past four or five days he's been really irritable again. On the weekend I sent D out to get him a teething pacifier. We'd never given him a pacifier before - not sure why, I guess I just wasn't sure what to use it for. He didn't seem to have an insatiable need to suck other than when he was hungry. But since he's got his hands in his mouth all the time and I thought a bumpy teether might be a really nice relief for him. However, we missed the boat on that one because other than his hands or moi, his tongue just ejects everything that goes in his mouth now. (Unfortunately it ejects the bottle too, after taking it quite peacefully several times. But then I didn't give it to him for a week and he somehow forgot. We've tried about ninety different things to get him on it again but I have now given up. It's too distressing to spend all that time pumping just to have to throw it away.)

As for childcare, thanks for the advice on the dilemma. What I've decided to do is to see if I can get the same person to come two nights in a row. Kids are welcome at dinner the first night, but since LM generally gets very fatigued around 7, perhaps it would be best to keep him out of the spotlight. That night dinner is at the hotel and it is a casual buffet, so I can just hover around the hotel room as much as I want, waiting until LM falls asleep before I leave, and "popping in" a couple of times throughout the night. Assuming things go well, I'll leave him the second night (when we'll be off-site, so it's harder for me to return), but if I get any weird feelings I'll just pull the paranoid mama card. I do find it aggravating that they assumed we were okay with sitters. But before I had a kid I thought women who weren't with them were over-protective, so I guess I shouldn't be too self-righteous about it.

Anyhoo, LM is adorably snoring away in his car seat because he hasn't woken up from our Christmas-light viewing drive yet, the Christmas tree is crusty and dry and losing needles everywhere (we cheaped out this year), and D is serving up leftovers. So much to be thankful for.

Bad Timing

So I just got a call from someone doing a survey on radio stations. I said: "Are you serious? It's Christmas EVE."

I realise it's not a holiday or anything, but it is a pretty special day and one that I'm looking forward to spending with my husband and baby. And that's what I told him. Truthfully I was doing neither at the time, and was actually playing Scrabble on the Internet. I only felt mildly guilty when he said "It's only a few minutes" and then wished me a Merry Christmas as I hung up.

And now back to Scrabble and listening to Bob and Doug's rendition of The 12 Days of Christmas.

I Didn't Think I'd Be One of Those

You know what's crazy? When I was 12, people used to pay me $10 an hour to take care of their children. At night. For hours. Alone. I'm not sure I was even allowed to be home alone at my own place when I was 12. Were they completely insane?

D's corporate retreat is coming up in a few weeks and I just got an e-mail from the admin person saying that sitters had been booked for Friday night so we can go to dinner. I was like, say what? I guess I should have anticipated that since obviously kids won't be coming to the formal dinner, but I am totally uncomfortable leaving LM with a stranger. For one thing, he won't take the bottle anymore (but that's a whole 'nother post). For another thing, he is a relatively demanding kid and it's quite possible he'd cry the whole time which would be hard on him and the sitter. For a third thing (and let's be honest, the main factor here), I am a neurotic parent who spends way too much time on youtube and message boards reading memorials to victims of shaken baby syndrome.

It's not that I'm unwilling to be apart from him - I do leave him at least a couple of times a week to do errands, go to yoga, etc. So despite the bottle and screaming issues, I'd happily leave him with friends or relatives, or even a paid nanny if I knew her - but a strange sitter? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And I'm not sure if this attributes too much cognition to a three-month old, but I think he'd be scared in strange surroundings and with a stranger. He does know the difference between me/D and others and often cries until he is returned to me/D. I realise there's a school of thought who encourages acclimatising them to strangers so they learn to deal, and I used to believe that too. But now I kind of think that forcing that kind of interaction could be more traumatic than helpful and that at this stage in his life, it's completely unnecessary in our situation.

Before I was a parent, I never thought I'd be this protective, but I guess you surprise yourself. I wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash in the hands of a hotel employee, and LM is worth loads more than that to me.

D is understanding, but would prefer I did not skip out on dinner and the retreat is two hours away so known sitters are not an option. So tell me honestly - what would you do? When was the first time you left your child with a complete stranger (albeit a stranger who's been screened by a nanny agency and who you can hang out with for an hour beforehand)?

Mysteries

Someone told me that if something about baby's habits are troublesome, just wait 2 weeks because they'll have changed. So far it's proven true and I try to remind myself that when I'm annoyed something isn't going the way I hoped.

Today LM was sitting in his carseat grabbing and playing with a hanging toy and attempting to put it into his mouth. He entertained himself for a good 15 minutes! Hallelujah. He also took a nap today - and I wrote 10 Christmas cards. Yay me. I attempted to get him in the crib, but that was a failure. He really does not nap anywhere but on me, in the carrier, or in the car. We recently moved the crib into our room as he is too big for his bassinette. I can occasionally get him in there after he's in a deep sleep; he may or may not consent to being returned there after his late-night feed. I think I need to cave and buy some sort of plastic mobile that lights up and shrieks tinny music to help him enjoy the crib more. He pretty much screams every time he is laid down in it - so not a lot of positive association going on there. Any recommendations on crib entertainment?

Recently the car seat has been a big hit and he has had some long stretches in there after coming home. So I put him to sleep in there this morning for a nap - it's nice because it rocks so I can rock him to sleep and then tiptoe away. He even woke up cooing and smiling, which was exceedingly pleasant. I was told at the baby store that the recommendation is not to have them at a 45 degree angle for more than 45 minutes, but hell, I gotta do what works and carrying a 15-pound baby around all day isn't working so much these days. He is a big guy, especially considering he started out so average-sized. Today I put the car seat in the crib - a happy medium?

He has been fairly decent about waking only two to three times in 12 hours, but last night he was up seven, yes SEVEN times. The three-month mark is only a week away, so I am figuring it's the three-month growth spurt. I am promised big changes at three months. I guess the thing I am most excited about, more than sleep, more than crawling, or talking, or the Nobel Peace Prize (which I'm sure is in his future!) is the ability to play. I find it very satisfying to watch him entertained by something, be it a toy or another person, and I'll find it even more satisfying when it lasts for more than 5-minute spurts.

Speaking of which, I am seriously considering buying some of those made-for-baby DVDs. I swore I'd NEVER do such a thing, but we have inadvertently discovered that TV entertains him, and I'm sure whatever is on those DVDs beats Law and Order Special Victims Unit, which was on while I was eating dinner last night. And given D's 12-hour days, I could really use those 20 minutes to shower, or god-forbid, blowdry my hair, which has been in a permanent state of rat's nest since LM was born. I know all the literature says not to use TV as a babysitter - that when the TV is on, you should be there "participating", but if I had time to participate, the TV wouldn't be on in the first place! Bring on the boob-tube babysitter.

Tired Blather

Man - funny how a busy week is now busy not because of papers due or memos pending. Now my day can be made or broken depending on whether one little person has sinus congestion or not. Funnier still, I don't mind.

I will say one thing that has been tough lately is the length of D's hours. He is normally gone, for 12 hours a day. He leaves before 7 and is back a little after 7. That means morning to night, baby care is my job. I get him up in the morning and put him down at night. I deal with every scream in between (of which there are a great many). But I get all the smiles in between too. Usually D is home in time for bath and bedtime routine, but the very last part of the day is me because LM is still nursing to sleep.

I don't know what the point of that paragraph is. I should probably make one
but I'm too tired right now: LM was up at 6 this morning with congestion and he's still up at least twice a night. I guess the point of this post is that I'm happy, but tired, and occasionally a little sad that D isn't around more - but we're working on that.

Times Changes

I love listening to music in the car. I remember a few years ago, I had a big fight with one of my best friends. She'd done crystal meth the night before and was sobbing on the phone about some guy. I was less than sympathetic and she hung up on me. It was summer, and I ran out to my car barefoot and just started driving with the knob turned all the way up. I stopped at some suburban gas station and bought a pack of smokes. I lit them on the car lighter and smoked about five and just kept heading east. Eventually I cooled off, the night cooled off and I turned around and headed back into town. Life back then was so... dramatic.

I was driving yesterday and listening to the classic rock station, a change from my usual CBC Radio 2. (Radio in this town is severely limited) The deep-voiced DJ, the one who make lame jokes about sports trivia and beer, was doing his usual schtick. The obligatory female traffic person was laughing at some sexist crack. Then cut to music - Layla came on; that song must have one of the best intros of all time. I turned up the dial and started singing along loudly and tapping the wheel. Then I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Little Man, via his Fisher Price mirror, staring into space with a rather bewildered look on his face. And I realised it's harder to sing Layla with a straight face when you realise that you're driving the Jetta across the bridge so you can shop for Christmas-themed baby clothes at Old Navy.