How to Deal

Argh - sometimes I really hate people. Most recently, them telling D stories of emergency cesaerean births and umbilical cords wrapped around baby's necks and generally trying to be really discouraging of the possibility of home birth. I wish they would just butt out.

Let me be clear, we are not dogmatic. We will go to the hospital if it is necessary. All the research I've done shows that home birth is as safe provided adequate measures are taken. I'm not just picking sources that are biased in favour of more natural options, but am going to medical journals and other ostensibly objective sources. Before I started my research I wasn't fixated on this issue - I think I went in to this project relatively unbiased. We will have intermitten heart-rate monitoring and take other measures to ensure the safety of our baby.

I admit I am often feeling hurt by these particular relations - I feel they marginalise me and make very little effort to hang out with me. And making statements like that to D makes me feel like they don't respect our choices, and are trying to lobby him. I resent being treated like the crazy wife. Anyway I wish they would stop their fear-mongering - I find it really passive-aggressive. At least say it with me there so I can say my piece.

From the TMI Files

I did a whole bunch of errands today, including buying an amazing mirror for over our fireplace, which makes the whole place look better (and bigger, which is very good when dealing with such an itty-bitty place). I even got D to buy some clothes, which is always a struggle as he hates shopping but often laments his meagre wardrobe.

We also went to two baby stores, where he picked out some clothes and did some information-gathering on big ticket items. I've been feeling a bit guilty since I seem to be on a buying bonanza, and wanted him to feel a bit more involved. I actually had a dream last night that I was being chased - it's a common theme in my dreams - I'm running to or from somewhere. Except this dream was a little different because every now and then I'd spot a baby store and I'd take a break from being chased by a crazy person to look at Gymboree consignment clothing. Some not so opaque symbolism there, I think.

Across the street from the second baby store, I was getting into the car, awkwardly maneuvering my unwieldy self between a lamp post and the door. In doing so, I accidentally stabbed my right boob on the corner of the car door. I was clutching my chest in pain when I noticed that I had actually leaked milk onto my shirt. For some reason this made me laugh hysterically. Pregnancy really is a strange and amazing thing. A real live food product being produced by my body! How would you feel, I asked D, if your body just starting churning out hot dogs or something? It's pretty weird. Cool! But weird.

Griping

I am feeling mildly annoyed - okay more than a little - I'll admit there may have been some hormonal tears shed. I'm flying out for a friend's wedding in two weeks - we're each taking 2 days off. I now find out that D is not invited to the Friday night events as it is limited to close friends only, not their significant others. So him having taken off the whole day to be there was somewhat pointless. Irritating since he only has 2 weeks vacation this year (criminal, isn't it?) and that day was 10% of it. I knew we should have done the red-eye Friday night. Damn.

We're now looking into changing his flight, which will likely cost several hundred, but you can't put a price on those vacation days. Then again if he does change it I'll have to fly out alone and negotiate the unfamiliar area and the hotel solo. It shouldn't daunt me at all since I've travelled alone a lot before, but I just have no energy for it now and am feeling mildly stressed about flying at 30 weeks. I shouldn't let this bother me as much as I did, but I'm in a mood.

I had Indian food tonight with some friends of my uncle, including a girl a few years younger than me. She's one of those pixie-ish girls with cute clothes and good hair. "I hope you're pregnant," she said when she saw me. I laughed, "Yes, I am." Later when I said I was 6 months along, her eyes popped out and she said "You mean you still have 3 months to go?" I am not really that big - am measuring right on schedule - half a week behind even - and all the weight is on my belly, not elsewhere. But 100 people can tell you look great when you're pregnant and it only takes one insensitive comment to make you feel like a beluga.

Also, my stomach muscles have separated... diastasis recti - anyone know what you're supposed to do about that? Or what you're not supposed to do? I do avoid putting pressure on my abs and try to roll when I'm on my back, but is there anything I can do to, you know, put them back together?

Anyway I'm off to curl up with a fat, fat, fat book about the life and times of Josephine Bonaparte - these days, I love reading historical fiction - puts it all in perspective, you know?

Just a Steel-Town Girl on a Saturday Night

D is out of town for the weekend and I am indulging my Secret Single Behaviour. I am eating cake batter in the kitchen naked and madly bidding on eBay items in the buff. I took a nap in the middle of the day (okay, not so secret behaviour) and am leaving all the dishes in the sink.

I seem to have hit a slightly manic part of my pregnancy. I slept only 3 hours last night. That is incredibly rare for me as normally I can sleep well over 9 hours if left to my own devices. I lay in bed for hours last night - when I lay on my left, I could hear my heart beating so loudly it kept me awake. When I lay on my right, D's breathing was too close to my face. When I was on my back the baby kicked and kicked at me. Stomach is understandably out of the question, though I never sleep that way anyway. After two hours, I got up and ran a hot bath, but even after that I was still wired. A nice hot beverage would normally do the trick, but I have to avoid drinking anything at least an hour before bedtime or I'm up 10 minutes after I've dozed off. Instead, I went online and ordered 7 cloth diapers from a local store.

I thought for sure I'd crash today as I had to be out the door by 9 (thankfully later than usual) and had only slept from 3 to 6. Well I haven't crashed yet. I'm madly putting together a baby budget to figure out how much we've spent so far. Answer - a lot more than I thought when I factor in each and every baby-related purchase over the past few months, despite the fact that they have been no big-ticket items and most everything was consignment or eBay (except diapers, I draw the line at used diapers.) I've really tried to be good and have only bought one item that was really frivolous (a fancy bouncy chair) and even that I got a sort of deal on by having it shipped to my brother in the U.S. D and I have agreed that we shouldn't spend more than a certain amount, but I'm already 1/4 of the way through it - hopefully my mother will help out with a big ticket item like a stroller or crib.

I had a cup of coffee yesterday because I was so tired in the a.m. I only had it around 11 a.m., so I assumed it couldn't have possibly kept me awake. But I had another today - a complete anomaly as I don't think I've had coffee since I got pregnant - and it suddenly occurs to me that this may be reason for my mania. Seems strange though because I've continued to drink the occasional black or green tea so I'm shouldn't be completely caffeine sensitive.

Anyway I'm off to bathe and read and hopefully get a nice round number of hours of sleep - there's a baby sample sale on tomorrow that I just found out about, so I need to have energy to shove elbows with some other big-bellied women!

Childcare and so on

I'm calling it a him now - I've been convinced for much of this pregnancy that we are having a girl, as I just felt very female vibes. D has been equally convinced of its maleness. But recently I have started to feel a very male vibe from it, and D has started referring to us (er... me) as "his girls." Anyway, we shall see. I have resisted buying any pink until now, but now that it's a boy (er, that I think it's a boy) I want to buy some pink to be truly egalitarian.

I've had friends ask me what we plan to do for childcare. The answer is - we have no idea. It is over a year away after all. But we do need to get on waitlists as daycare availability is abysmal here - waitlists are routinely a year or longer and people often register for waitlists right after conception!

All the lawyers I know have nannies - they say the hours are just too unpredictable for daycare. A couple of people have recommended that live-in help would be the way to go. When a partner at my firm suggested it, I almost said - you do remember what you pay me right? We live in a tiny apartment and are making a den into a nursery. We live in a town where half a million won't buy you a house within the city limits. Would the nanny live in our linen closet?

D and I combined make a great income that puts us statistically well above average. But my first year law salary, while completely respectable, is actually 50% less than I was making three years ago. After taxes, it would cover a nanny or a bigger place, but not both. If we do go the nanny route for my first year of work, we'll likely have less disposable income than when I'm on maternity leave. At least on mat leave I'll get EI and the EI will be more than the difference between what I'll make first year and what a nanny costs. I am excited about the career path I've chosen and all, but part of my desire to work does involve making some money at it.

It's all pretty sobering and makes you realise why women are so limited in non-conventional career choices. Anything where there may be extra or unpredictable hours involve a lot of expensive childcare options. While I know D will do his share, he works long hours as well. I hope we can both work something out so that we are both able to be more flexible and I'm really lucky to have a guy who's very dedicated to being 50/50. But I know that usually the one who ends up cutting back on hours and pay is the mother - and I can understand why that happens. He already makes so much more than I don't see myself catching up for at least 5 years. It's the reason we aren't splitting the parental leave 50/50 this time - we couldn't survive on what I'd make.

If I find it this hard, in one of the high-paying firms in a very lucrative profession, just imagine how hard it is for most women.

Running Around

It was such a gorgeous weekend here. I had to work all day Saturday (turns out this bar course is actually pretty time-consuming!) but I took Sunday off. That morning I actually did a 5k run! I had stopped running (and er, most exercise) a couple of weeks ago but I signed up for the run a long time ago, so I planned to walk it. But I was feeling pretty good that morning, so I figured I'd see how running went for a bit, then I'd walk. After running 10 minutes (very slowly), I still felt good so I kept going and I ran probably 75% of it. Usually I would run a 5k in a little less than half an hour. Walking would be an hour. So I ran it in 37 minutes which I think was pretty damn good. I felt fantastic afterwards, though my feet did hurt pretty much all day.

After that, D and I went shopping for a new piece of furniture as we are doing a bit of rearranging. Although I think the whole midcentury thing is a bit overdone, we ended up finding a great piece of 1960s Danish furniture on antique row. It fits right into the desired space! There are some great deals to be had at those stores. My tendency is to turn to Ikea, but I may have a whole new obsession.

I developed another joyous pregnancy symptom. Despite staying very hydrated after my run, I woke up with a horrible leg cramp. It's one of those symptoms you read about in the books, but it sounds so weird and unlikely. But I actually woke up screeching in pain. It still kind of hurts today. The books say to take magnesium to prevent them, but I already take it. I also read to put a bar of Ivory soap under your bed, which makes absolutely no sense at all, but people on message boards swear that it works! If it happens again I'll try anything.

I consider myself to have a pretty high pain threshold, and am generally unstressed about the whole pain of labour. But I sure hope my uterus contracting doesn't feel anything like my calf muscle contracting.