Countdown

I am less than 24 hours from being done with law school forever! Or at least until grad school.

The past few weeks have been rough as I've caught up on the fact that I've done absolutely nothing all term. I have two papers due tomorrow and that is completely it. One is 35 pages and the other is 25 and they were almost entirely written in the past week.

I did get a start on one of them before my exams, but I've pretty much written 50 pages and over 200 footnotes, and edited them in a few short days. One of them actually doesn't suck.

Current Dilemma

Okay, so we have one vote for boy - another takers? So far my family thinks it's a boy, mainly because of the predominance of males on my side. I tried to explain that it doesn't really work like that, but they weren't buying. D's family is probably just hoping boy because they have all girl grandkids so far, but haven't expressed any inklings. My two friends think girl.

Anyway - our lastest big decision is to move or not to move.

We live in a 700 square foot place. It's perfect for the two of us but it seemed obvious that for three we'd need to move. We were all ready to sell and then we had some mishaps that delayed things, like the fact that the place next door hired a crappy agent and it's been on the market for ages. They also had trouble showing it as the tenants didn't always get back to the agent and didn't keep it very nicely staged - as a result it's been festering for weeks and once that happens every one assumes there's a problem and doesn't want to look since usually things sell very quickly here. It's normally a very hot market.

Their place being on for so long really affects the value of ours, since the places are virtual mirror images of each other. Also, they've had to keep dropping the price, so we may have trouble demanding what we think this place is worth. So annoying - especially as a few months ago the place above us (also the same as ours) sold in one day at asking price.

Then we had a flood, which further delayed things - the condo is still figuring out what to do to repair it. It's not in our apartment, but it affects the building so we don't want to sell until it's fixed as people may use it as an excuse to lowball us.

Anyway, all this has us looking at the apartment and thinking, well maybe we should just stay! Our teeny tiny den, which is right off the living room, could be converted into a nursery - add some doors to it, and a dresser/change table. Right now we just use the space to watch tv, since we don't like having a tv right in the living room (which is also the kitchen and dining room), but hey, we can make sacrifices.

Some decisions, like whether to have the child in our room or not, are things we'll play be ear. But in any case, we'd fit a crib in the den. Of course, the apartment is very small, so having people over (or even just clanging around) could be a challenge if the baby is a light sleeper. But maybe the baby just gets used to things like that.

We'd also have to do some rearranging of the living space so we had enough floor space for things like baby toys, but it could be done if we traded in our medium-sized dining table for a small one.

So I'm just torn - staying here another year would be fine, and easier in the short-term, but then part of me would like to begin life as a family in a place we know we're staying for a few years at least. In this case, we're just delaying the inevitable. Then again, we'd have another year to save up a bit of cash. Or maybe we wouldn't - maybe housing prices will continue to rise. Anyway, I'm completely baffled about what to do, but if you have suggestions or thoughts, I welcome them.

Mysteries

All I can say, is that it's a really good thing I don't work full time these days. I do work a full day once a week - and it's brutal. I fell asleep there today - could barely keep my eyes open so I closed the door and laid my head on a big binder on my desk for a wee rest. My own snoring woke me up 20 minutes later. It's a very good thing there are no windows in my office.

I am someone who needs a lot of sleep at the best of times, but that really does take the cake.

We had our ultrasound yesterday and it was amazing. We kind of went back and forth on doing it at all, as many studies I've read said there are no real differences in outcomes when people have routine ultrasounds, or just when the doctor orders them for cause. But my midwife said that knowing about the heart, position of the placenta etc. might change what whether we did a home birth or not, so we went for it. I'm really glad that we did because it was really moving - I was tearing up the whole time to see those little hands and little feet and a big old head, and the thing just wiggling around in there.

Also, we had it done at the local women's hospital here, and they were truly lovely. They let D come in and watch the whole time, unlike at the private clinic where I've gone before. And also, they had a big TV monitor up so we could see everything and ask all kinds of questions.

We did not find out the sex; we didn't want to anyway, but the hospital also has a policy of not telling you until 24 weeks as that is the guideline of the College of Physicians here. Seems a bit patriarchal to me that they won't tell you about your own body, but apparently they believe there are sex-selected abortions. So I'm torn on how I feel about that since obviously that's a good reason not to tell - but I suspect those who really want to know just go elsewhere.

Anyway, we told the tech we didn't want to know, and she said if we didn't we should close our eyes at one point. I kept looking though, and I thought I saw boy parts (that is what D is sure we are having), but then again, I also thought that its abdomen was its head at one point. I suspect what I saw was actually the umbilical cord. For my untrained eyes, it was really hard to tell what much was without it being pointed out, other than the really obvious stuff, like hands when you could see all the wee bones in them. I admit I have looked at some ultrasound photos on pregnancy.com that say "I'm a boy!" or "I'm a girl" indicating that the photo is a picture of the requisite parts - but those were totally undiscernable to me as anything even human. So a mystery it remains, quite happily.

Baby Pants

Well, I've finished my last exam. It went quite badly. I just wasn't familiar enough with the material. Law school exams are all about spotting issues - they provide a hypothetical situation and you can advise your "client" on the law. But there were a few major things I missed - not because I wouldn't have known the law on them if asked, but because I wasn't familiar enough to realise what the question was. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you do all your reading in two days.

In my defence, I don't the exam was entirely fair since it was a complete race against the clock. Yes, law is stressful, but you're never going to be asked to solve five complex problems involving completely different actors in two and a half hours. Those exams test a particular skill that isn't that relevant to law. Thinking fast and coherently is important. Thinking at the speed of light and identifying every possible legal issue in a very short period of time is not. I have no problem with the format of the exam, and if I'd had three hours, I could have done quite well.

Part of my problem was that I was totally preoccupied with baby yesterday. I had my midwife appointment - for some reason I get really anxious beforehand because the appointment forces me to actually turn my mind to things that could go wrong... I'm anxious about hearing the heartbeat and anxious about the weird things that are happening that I usually just don't bother worrying about.

I did hear the heartbeat, very easily, and it was lovely. But then I asked about the fact that I've been having these weird sort of pains in my cervix and while she said it was probably normal, she'd ask the ultrasound to check my cervical length anyway. (I had one just now!) I'm terrified of preterm labour - as my sister-in-law went through it and lost her twins. It seems particularly scary at this crucial time when the baby is so much more real to me, but still unviable outside the womb.

Also, I've been having what I think are Braxton-Hicks as my stomach gets really hard sometimes, and while everyone seems to say that's normal, it would be a lot more reassuring just not to have them yet.

So I came home and stewed about those things and then realised that I'd forgotten to tell her that when I did my urine test there were some nitrates in it. I got home and Googled it, and found it can mean UTI. So then I became convinced that the pains were actually a UTI and I had to go the bathroom nine times in three hours. I called and asked for a urine culture. D ran out and got my cranberry capsules and all seems well and now I realise I was being a bit ridiculous. I am very suggestable.

Anyway, we have our ultrasound Monday, so I can worry until then and then hopefully feel reassured that all is normal.

In an effort to alleviate my anxiety about both baby and my stupid exam, I decided to check out a few baby stores this afternoon. I wanted to get some kind of cute outfit - but I find shopping for baby extremely perplexing. I can't find baby pants anywhere! What do babies wear on their legs? Every thing just seems to be legless onesies - long sleeves or short. I don't really feel like making buying onesies an "event" since you can buy them in 5 packs at Shoppers. I want something it can wear on a walk, or a trip to Grandma's, like a sleeper with feet. But anything with pants or long legs is sized for an enormous baby. Our autumn baby will need pants when it's small. It's all very confusing. They show itty-bitty shoes everywhere, and babies don't even need shoes since they can't walk, but pants are like the holy grail.

End of Term Angst

Well the excitement of being almost done law school is rather muted by the fact that I have a massive, massive, massive amount to do during the next two weeks. Apparently doing nothing all term can do that to you. Who knew?

I had a wonderful dream last night that I could feel the baby's heartbeat through the skin and that I knew s/he was okay. I went for a 10k run yesterday (lots of walking in between). I feel better when I stay in shape, and still really enjoy running so I have to think that must be good for me. It's about all I can motivate myself to do lately, so I will keep at it as long as I enjoy it.

I sent it my maternity leave request forms to the Law Society a few days ago... turns out lawyers and articling students are not covered by employee legislation, so I am technically not entitled to have mat leave like most other people in this country. I am entitled to 8 months under Law Society rules, so I don't think it will be a major issue to get those extra 4 months, but it's just a hassle.

Luckily my firm has been super-understanding - part of this may be because I was already scheduled to be gone for the clerkship for a year. But they are employing me for an extra month so that I have enough hours to qualify for EI and have offered to put me on their health plan during mat leave (I think they were kind of stuck doing that, but they've been nice about it.)

Now my next dilemma is asking for a few days off from the bar course over the summer for a wedding. They say if you anticipate any problems interfering with your attendence, you should withdraw, but then it appears there is some leeway as there is a contact person who can grant an exemption to attendence requirements . If this sounds weird it's because the course itself is key, not just the exam as in the U.S. There are all sorts of exercises you are supposed to do to pass. I keep wondering if it might just be better to be "sick"... but that feels wrong.

Last Day

Well no aching head for three days! So some combination of the remedies seems to have worked. (Knocking on wood here!) Honestly, three days is the longest I've been pain-free in ages. And I didn't need a nap yesterday, which also may indicate that pastures are getting greener. Yay for being almost 18 weeks.

However, just to prove I am a complete dork I did throw out my neck. I was sitting at the computer and got up and boom, I could no longer move it more than about about 20 degrees on either side. I had to go to work at my part-time job and was in agony the whole day. I hope they don't track my Internet usage because I spent at least an hour Googling "cervical spine" and "chiropractor neck" and other random combinations. I thought I had slipped a disk or something it was so awful, I debated the E.R. (it really was that bad) for half a second, but then more Googling revealed there would be little they could do except tell me to rest.

I decided not to do chiro since it's too expensive in this city and I don't think I am covered for it. So I iced it and the next day headed to my trusty RMT who did something that made it feel a whole lot better. The degree of improvement indicates to me that it was most likely muscular. Yes, I am the queen of bizarre ailments.

Strangely, I remember being on a trip with my brother once where the same thing happened to his neck - we have similar builds, except his is obviously broader and bigger; but we're both kind of small boned with long necks. (I'm making us sound like poultry.) My brother did end up going to the E.R. because he was in so much pain, but they didn't do much for him as they seemed to think the mysterious spinal pain was just an attempt to get painkillers.

He was supposed to drive us on the next leg of our vacation - we were taking two cars somewhere - can't recall where. But the lack of neck movement meant he couldn't, so we got to take the train which was lovely! It was an old one with wooden seats. So far my neck injury has had no such silver lining, but I can hope.

Anyway, in non-neck news, tonight is my very last class of law school! Feels kind of sad, but also not yet sinking in. I am giving a presentation - the topic is corporatisation of pregnancy and birth. Yeah, I have a one-track mind these days - thank goodness for seminars that let me run with it.

Aching Head

What a delicious weekend - and I still have one little day.

I have been having the most atrocious headaches lately though - and they have been completely keeping me from doing anything schoolwise, which does make me a little anxious. Tylenol just isn't cutting it! Nor are warm baths, sleep-ins, massages, naps in the middle of the day. Blah - it's horrid.

I'm trying a B-complex as I took one at the start of my pregnancy and didn't have any headaches then - I ran out and didn't keep taking it since I figured my prenatal was giving me what I needed. And I may do a mini-cleanse of cutting out sugar and white flour and some of the baddies. I just need to be conscious that I continue to get enough calories while doing this, as I must admit, a large portion of my daily intake comes from bagels and muffins and other things. Also, I am trying to exercise a bit more as the one time I didn't have a headache yesterday was while walking in the park, and the one day I didn't have it was the day I went for a run in the a.m.

Anyhow, if you have naturopathic headache suggestions, please do send them to me - I'm totally at my wit's end and have even found myself staring longingly at the medicine cabinet where my migraine meds are - so frustrating to know that just one would nip it in the bud so nicely.

Ups and Downs

I think I finally have a belly this morning! I didn't have much of one yesterday, but then last night after dinner it just sort of stretched out. It's still pretty small, easily covered with a baggy top or jacket, but much more than just a healthy meal.

I felt some kicking last week - a little flutter. I know it's early, but I have been paying hyper-attention to it. I've felt all sorts of strange things, but I'm pretty sure most of them are just normal rumblings. However that one little flutter right down where the midwife said the baby lives was definitely kicking. So much fun.

All in all, the past week has been a lot better, but there are a couple of things that are still driving me insane, and since I don't have a lot of places to vent, you guys get to read about them!

1. Mothers-in-law: D made the mistake of telling my mother-in-law yesterday that I went for a run. Big mistake as she is convinced that running caused very premature (and non-viable) delivery for my sister-in-law, even though the aforementioned running took place over a month before that delivery. So the minute I got on the phone she tells me: "Stop running!" She has some old-fashioned ideas about how pregnancy = being an invalid. I won't say there haven't been times this month when I've agreed with that sentiment, but it does get a little tiresome to be told what to do by someone who hasn't been pregnant for over 30 years. It gives me a little joy to think about how she will react when she finds out we are contemplating home birth.

2. Mothers: My mother is the opposite, but every time we talk she asks me how much I am exercising. "You are keeping it up, aren't you? You're not going to gain too much weight are you?" My mother, who I love very dearly and get along with very well, has a few irksome qualities, one of them being a weight fixation. Most of this is focussed on herself - she constantly complains about her weight. But every now and then I find myself the target - I remember her advising me to lose a bit of weight off my thighs when I was 15. I was encouraged to do low-carb before my prom.

It must be a family thing - my aunt, who unlike my mother, is very overweight, talks about it constantly. She's always on some crazy starvation diet, which she then rebounds off of with a vengeance. I'm fairly certain I have not inherited this obsession - I mean, like 99% of women I still fixate a bit, but I must promise myself that if this baby is a daughter (or son), I will never comment on her teenage thighs (except to say nice things!) I will encourage her to exercise, but for fun and fitness, not because of a little extra flab.

3. Nipples: I am liking my new, larger bosom (hey all things are relative, and B seems big to me), but I could do without new nipples. They are darker and bigger, and I really do not like it. D says they look great, but he has to say that or I'll punch him, so he's not an entirely believable source.

4. Headaches: why does every pregnancy book say that migraines and headaches get better with pregnancy? Mine haven't. I've had a headache about 30% of the time, and it sucks.

5. They say fatigue gets better in the second trimester, and it does. But I'm still dog-tired. Yes, I did just say dog-tired. Eight hours of sleep + nap is de rigueur. (How's that for a mix of southern vernacular + pretentious second language idioms all in one paragraph?)

6. Worrying: I have curbed some of my crazier worries, but I am drawn to blogs where people go over horrible things that happened to their children/pregnancies - non-viable deliveries, neonatal death, pain relief wearing off during ceasareans. Someone cut me off!

Anyway, I'll stop my complaining, but I will say that I had always thought I'd feel rosy and alive during pregnancy, and to be honest, at 16 weeks I'm still waiting for that. On the bright side, I feel very happy and in love, with both my husband and our baby.

April already

April is here with sunshine and somewhat warm weather.

I went for a run this morning along the beach, which was delightful. It was a slow pace, since I haven't been for weeks, and required a bathroom break, but it made me feel good.

Then I went for brunch and had a nap. I think even D is getting panicked about how little work I am doing. He claims to be having nightmares about it. Oh well, they won't fail me at this point.